Guilt, self-blame, and a compulsive need to avoid guilt can develop into a kind of autoimmune disease, a severe mental trap. Beyond the feeling of guilt itself and its accompanying emotions, we can become trapped in defensive behavior to avoid feeling guilty or being blamed. Each can be a recipe for a harsh, debilitating mental trap that harms the person himself.
This mental trap, which seems to be a kind of mental autoimmune disease, can lead to self-harm, damage to the life force, and detachment from us, as well as harm to others. It can cause self-castration and distort others. It can cause great anguish or lead to projecting negative qualities onto others, creating a scapegoat and causing injustice.
Guilt originates in the formation of conscience; it is a very important component in making the soul human. The ability to feel emotion is connected to our social value, personal and social responsibility, and morality, and therefore, without guilt, the soul can grow in psychopathic directions. But guilt can reveal unhealthy dimensions and impede a person's actions, the fulfillment of his desires, his ability to enjoy, his ability to be himself, and his ability to perceive the right standards regarding his responsibility. The feelings that accompany guilt can distort a person's image of others.
Freud thought that guilt and the central conflicts that give rise to it are tied to the formation of Western culture, and that this comes at a heavy price. The development of religion, Freud thought, also stemmed from collective guilt over killing the ancestor.
Guilt was a key tool for shaping morality in the three major monotheistic religions: Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. On the one hand, these religions shaped morality by instilling a constant sense of impurity and disorder; on the other, they offered the possibility of moral purification through fasting, self-flagellation, and the observance of mitzvot. You can be liberated if you are a believer and follow the way.
According to the perception of these religions, especially Christianity, we are sinners from the outset, with an evil inclination, and therefore are guilty by our very essence. Therefore, it is our duty to atone for this and prove how complacent we are.
If all this is true, this degree of guilt and the accompanying sense of responsibility can become a terrible force, weakening and damaging a person. Because of the education prevalent under the values of these religions, guilt is a common and obstructive mental trap that will attack a person with feelings of regret, guilt distress, guilt anxiety, depression, and/or a different and strange defense against guilt.
All of these can crystallize into a stumbling, weakening pattern that becomes a mental trap of unnecessary feelings, misplaced pity, or rigidity and a lack of mercy.
Many people quickly feel guilty about anything bad or difficult that happens around them, even if it isn't directly related to them or they aren't responsible.
Young children often feel guilty when something bad happens in the family.
People prone to guilt often feel they were wrong, didn't do what they should have, and didn't fulfill their duty. They may wake up early in the morning, when most people are sleeping, and immediately feel guilty about something from the previous day. Sometimes this can turn into a persistent feeling of depression throughout the day. In extreme cases, it can develop into persistent depression.
These people respond to the most difficult or harmful things that happen to others around them with oppressive guilt. This feeling concerns them deeply and can also develop into guilt anxiety. It can involve thoughts and regrets about their parents, their children, work, or broader social issues. This guilt anxiety is disturbing, takes away strength, sleep, and joy of life, and can also lead to exhaustion and to doing wrong things or making wrong decisions as a reaction.
Although this trap of guilt originates in deep layers of the psyche and sometimes in a pool of guilt collected early in childhood, awareness of the dimensions it has taken in one's personality can be very helpful.
The guilt trap is sometimes associated with over-conscientiousness, a conscience that has become too central at the expense of one's sense of self. It can come from the need to always be good, helpful, efficient, and generous; from being overly influenced by religious morality; and from difficulty enjoying and feeling that I deserve to enjoy my life as well.
The guilt trap is sometimes tied to the need to please others and to give them excessive precedence, and it can also stem from a deep fear of selfishness. Because of this, the tendency toward guilt can lead to exploitation by elements in the environment. Sometimes we see guilt and blame together as a kind of symbiosis and interdependence. One avoids and blames, and the other tends to take on the guilt and absorb it.
But in the end, despite the "good" intentions, a deep preoccupation with guilt leads to an overconcentration on the self.
Booby-trapping reactions to guilt often take the form of looking for a victim to project blame onto; this defensive behavior can also show up as self-righteousness, piety, or aggression. All this is done to avoid feeling guilty. Another behavior sometimes seen is detachment from an object that arouses guilt, including distancing or avoiding it to avoid contact with the person or situation that triggers this difficult emotion.
Behaviors associated with the guilt can be more severe and aggressive than the guilt itself.
Identifying this trap and, especially, understanding the accompanying reactions are very important for freeing the person from heavy responsibility for others, for standing up correctly and on an appropriate scale in the face of guilt, and for restoring the feeling of self-forgiveness, that it is okay if he makes a mistake, that it is also positive that he is busy with himself, that he cares for and gives to himself, and that he deserves the good as well.
Guilt can lead to a constant feeling of apology in the face of life and the good things that happen to a person.
Guilt is a neurotic trap, and life in its shadow is marked by constant conflict.
The self-questions that can lead to greater self-awareness in this case are:
First questions of identification and awareness: • Why am I in distress, and why am I so angry with myself or beating myself up?
- Why do I avoid and disconnect from the other? Why am I seeking avoidance? Because sometimes harsh guilt leads to ignorance, distancing, or worse, anger toward the object I feel guilty about!
- Why am I so angry at the other person and see him as the source of evil?
The impact falls on the object that arouses unbearable guilt, making it a scapegoat.
In this paradoxical trap, projection followed by anger can turn the guilty person into an enemy seeking revenge.
Other important questions for the owner of this trap to ask:
- Why do I worry so much and take on so much responsibility for others?
- What have I done that I deserve to suffer, or what have I done that I don't deserve what I have achieved?
- Why don't I know how to take care of myself properly and free myself from guilt while better connecting to my needs?
Sometimes it is necessary first to identify the defense against guilt, to see and understand that, in order not to feel guilty, I am currently angry, cheating, disconnecting, telling myself stories, or running away from the situation. Identifying the defensive responses is extremely important.